A friend had told me that God can redeem the most difficult of seasons and times. I envisioned looking back at the end of our time in Dallas with sadness and challenges. My favorite place to go throughout our time in Dallas was the Baylor gym facility. Many days after working out I would go outside where the rocks and waterfalls were and ask God the tough questions of life. Just me and Him in complete privacy.
Little did I know what God had for me the day I went into Tom Landry once again, but for an abdominal X-ray to check on the severe symptoms I had been having for the last year in a half. Now what we believe at best to be a food intolerance and at worst an auto-immune disease. A year in a half that included begging God for answers, visiting specialist, and adjusting my diet more times than I can count. In the waiting room after feeling utterly exhausted for three weeks I prayed, “Lord I pray that I would sense your presence.”
One week prior to this visit, at church we got in small groups to pray about what areas in our life we desire to see God’s power and presence. Coincidentally, the passage was about God opening Sarah’s womb. “Is anything to wonderful for God?” Levi shared about my health issues and our journey with infertility. And I cried. We were trusting God is able to do the impossible and yet striving for contentment which is where we had been living for many months. Living in the waiting and through the pain.
Well as I found myself waiting for the nurse and being reminded of “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you…” I had no idea the amount of healing strangers could bring. Levi and I are pretty private people and yet God has stretched us incredibly to bring others into our life this last year for reasons we see, and ones we don’t. In the search for answers intimacy was wrought with friendships and strangers alike. A older doctor and a young nurse who happened to share with me she had also struggled with infertility and she was now pregnant! They took me into a side room sat me down and explained I would not be getting an X-ray today and shared I was pregnant. I began to cry in utter surprise apologizing for crying. They handed me kleenexes beaming with joy saying, “it’s okay, we don’t get to give people happy news very often.”
Friends, God’s presence comes in a variety of ways. On the hard days He gave us hope and comfort. I would open up my Bible and read about God’s love and care. And on days like today he shows us His presence and power in ways we can’t believe…ways that are amazing. Whatever He has for our future this I know – it is His presence that I seek.
“When I’m praying for open doors, yet they remain closed; when I’m pleading for a “yes,” but the answer is “no”; when I’m asking for change, but everything seems to stay the same. A frustrating “no” may be setting the stage for a forthcoming “yes.” After all, we have a loving Father who knows things we don’t. And sometimes, He needs to “wreck” our agenda in order to render His.” Alicia Bruxvoort